E213: How to control PMS anger/anxiety without adding more to your to-do list

Feel like you snap at your kids or get overwhelmed right before your period? It’s just your hormones speaking.

When PMS hits, it can feel like your coping tools vanish. In this episode, I’ll share practical strategies for when PMS feels heavy—no willpower or restrictive diets needed. You’ll learn how:

• High expectations can worsen PMS symptoms
• To track your emotions for tough days
• To create a “PMS buffer zone” to manage mood swings and protect your energy

Tune in for tips on navigating tough days with clarity and kindness toward yourself.

Book a FREE Hormone Strategy Call with me

More about PMS: Ep.32, Ep.62, Ep.195

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Disclaimer: Nothing in this podcast is to be taken as medical advice, please take informed accountability and speak to your provider before making changes to your health routine.

This podcast is for women and moms to learn how to balance hormones naturally in motherhood, to have pain-free periods, increased fertility, to decrease PMS mood swings, and to increase energy without restrictive diet plans. You'll learn how to balance blood sugar, increase progesterone naturally, understand the root cause of estrogen dominance, irregular periods, PCOS, insulin resistance, hormonal acne, post birth-control syndrome, and conceive naturally. We use a pro-metabolic, whole food, root cause approach to functional women's health and focus on truly holistic health and mind-body connection.

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Pursuit of Wellness with Mari Llewellyn, Culture Apothecary with Alex Clark, Found My Fitness with Rhonda Patrick, Just Ingredients Podcast, Wellness Mama, The Dr Josh Axe Show, Are You Menstrual Podcast, The Model Health Show, Grounded Wellness By Primally Pure, Be Well By Kelly Leveque, The Freely Rooted Podcast with Kori Meloy, Simple Farmhouse Life with Lisa Bass

Transcript

[00:00:00] Today, I'm giving you some very practical and free in the moment tips to control your PMS anger and anxiety without adding more to your to-do list.

[00:00:00] Leisha: if you have ever felt really angry or anxious or irritable. When you are getting ready to have your period and you are also slightly overbooked, then today's episode is for you because I am gonna walk you through how to start to control those PMS feelings, the anger, anxiety, irritability, without adding more to your to-do list.

 we are going to talk about tangibly three things that you can do. To make that change within this hormone cycle. This isn't about having perfectly balanced hormones, although you guys know I am completely on board for that to happen, but this is more about symptom management in the moment, and it's all free.

So let's get into it. Let's just talk about what I mean with PMS, anxiety, mood swings. This is probably self-explanatory if you're listening, you know, but when you are feeling not yourself, some of the days out of your month, it can be just those days before your period. It can be different times of your cycle and still be hormonal, but.

It's like A switch is flipped essentially, and you find yourself. Not being able to handle your regular life the way that you can usually handle For example, being extremely overwhelmed with just like everything, all of a sudden, maybe it's the laundry or the kids or work or whatever it is, you just have lost your ability to cope like you normally can cope.

It can feel like things are crashing down around you. This. Could look like. Again, the same examples of honestly, like nothing out of the ordinary happening or nothing new for you happening, and just all of a sudden you're like, I can't. Do this the same way. I am really irritated at my husband for working the same hours as he already works.

I'm really irritated at my kids for asking me one extra question that I feel like I don't know the answer to. Self judgment can be a really big part of this too, where. Maybe your kids do ask you a question like, what are we doing tomorrow? And you don't know the answer yet, and they're like, I wish we would do something fun.

Nothing. You know, Like I'm bored or whatever. And it's such a normal kid thing to say, but if you are starting to self. Condemn. It's very likely hormone related. It could be other things, but hormones are a big culprit where you're like all of a sudden oh my gosh, I'm not doing enough for them and they're never gonna have fun and I am doing a bad job.

And all of these things that can run through your head. Again, the key here is usually you would be okay with that question. You could answer it calmly. You could say, Hey, I don't know yet what we're doing tomorrow, but I will let you know in the morning. Or I do have this answer, and here it is, and you'll be able to handle a little bit of maybe kid criticism.

In that moment, it's just you know what? You're right. We're not having fun and I must be a bad mom and all I wanna do is eat ice cream in my bed. ask me how I have these examples. We all have this sometimes, right? And when hormones are imbalanced, this is where it gets. Extra.

This is where it gets real tricky, but even in a pretty balanced cycle, sometimes this comes up and even in a pretty like regular life without crazy stressors, sometimes this comes up and then sometimes you can have pretty balanced hormones and you have extenuating circumstances in your life that are pushing you over the edge with stress for a season.

That can really. Turn up, the volume on the PMS mood swings, whether those are more internal or more external, or if they're both. I just really want to talk about this today, not in just the general context of like, oh, you know, sometimes you get a little moody day 25 of your cycle. No, let's really talk about what this means.

 This means that you get in bed at night and you're just so tired and you're crying because. You don't have any answers to anything. And then you wake up in the morning and you're like, oh, you know what? That was all real, but also I'm fine . But in that moment it just feels so overwhelming and so real and so unfixable essentially. And nobody has the answers, Or none of the answers will be satisfying or you'll never feel, maybe not, you'll never, but sometimes, you know, little drama in the moment like, you'll never feel happy again or you'll never feel like what you want to feel like again. The biggest key here is just being able to observe a little bit.

When we get into the what to do here in just a minute we're gonna talk about observing, but I do want to touch on a few key factors of why PMS happens outside of the ones that I normally talk about, where I'm talking about. Specifically what hormones are changing in your cycle and what that looks like and how those shifts can cause PMS mood swings.

I have episodes on that. I have multiple episodes on PMS, if that is what you want to hear. We will link some of those in the show notes, but I'm actually gonna talk a little bit more about life today. With the context that if you're here, your hormones are probably a little imbalanced, and let's talk about the life triggers that make the hormone triggers harder to deal with.

You need to address both. To be clear, you need to address the underlying causes, especially if your PMS is really taking you out let's talk about more the surface level today. Outside of hormones, there are reasons that PMS is an epidemic in our life today. Number one, not in any particular order to be honest.

Number one, scheduling. Scheduling a million things all the time. So you're always overwhelmed and you always don't have enough time for what you want. It's a problem and it's going to show up as a problem mostly in your luteal phase when you are a little more honest with yourself and a little more potentially negative, a little more critical is a better word.

So it's really common to have a couple days out of the month where it like you have a lot more self-criticism. This can be personal, this can be in your business, this can be body image, different things like that. You are wrapping up your hormone cycle and your body is essentially looking for or your brain looking for problems to fix before the cycle is over

So overscheduling, especially during your luteal phase, but just in life in general, will lead to PMS unless you are a 10 out of 10 extrovert. And have a very dysregulated nervous system that you truly have to be busy all the time. And in that case, I think you're probably still gonna have problems.

So Overscheduling is huge. Well, How do we fix that? We'll talk about that in a minute . 

next high expectations. You expect to do more, to do better than anyone else you would ever. Expect of in your life. Just because it's an unrealistic amount of things to get done doesn't mean you can't do them just because you would never expect your sister, mother best friend. To be able to handle all of this and still look cute and still have her act together and still not be grumpy to her husband, doesn't mean that you can do it just because if you would never expect it of someone else.

Probably you can't do it either. Okay. I know that it's easy to expect that, but having those over expectations, that can really show up in the luteal phase where you get to a point where you are like, what is actually happening and why am I so behind? It can also be like overstimulation slash over touched that can really show up in this phase of your cycle and.

That also is a sign that. You are just like over in your life, overscheduled, overstimulated over expecting of yourself, and then also just seasons of life. I mentioned this already. If you have a really stressful season of life, I'm thinking of a couple of clients, I'm thinking of myself where there is a loved one who's struggling with sickness, where there is a move, where there is a husband who is traveling a lot working super long hours.

You're working super long hours, whatever that looks like. Those type of seasons. I honestly just think sometimes you're just gonna have PMS no matter how happy your hormones are. Because, and I don't say that lightly to be honest, because, you know, I'm here to help you fix your PMS. But if you're like, I am in a crazy stressful season, I'm taking the best care of my body, I possibly can, and I am still getting a little moody here and there.

That's normal. If it is taking you out, that's not normal and we can work on it. But just a little bit of like I am overstimulated over, touched, irritated, tired, you don't need to investigate that too far beyond what are the basic needs that are not being met. Like I'm not sleeping, I'm not getting any sunshine, I haven't eaten enough food.

That is how you fix that. So if there's a season, if you're in a super stressful season and that is causing PMS for you, then. That is the fix. Again, it's just like those basics, but if it's more like overscheduled over touch high expectations, then those things we can talk about with these fixes. Okay, so my three fixes, and this is going to be very tangible, so take a little note if you need to.

I actually would recommend taking notes because if you happen to be like, period, brain. Follicular brain, pre luteal brain, and you are not in that phase right now. You may be like, I'll totally remember this and I've got this. And then you get around to luteal and you forget it all because you don't like anything and you don't know what to do with yourself.

Okay? Again, ask me how I know I have been there. So make a note and then put a note , in your calendar to look at your note. When you're gonna be at the appropriate time of your cycle, and that is what we're gonna talk about first. I want you to pay attention and notice exactly what days of your cycle it happens and how it feels.

This could be a node in your phone, this could be in your Canara app if you're tracking and you're tracking temperatures in there, because we're gonna work together at some point and you wanna have some data wherever you track your period, put this in and. , You know, wake up in the morning and you're like, wow, I feel real anxious today, or real irritable.

And I can't quite tell that it's totally circumstantial. , I can tell that I'm irritated with my husband. I can tell that, I'm behind on all the things or whatever it is. Like you can tell those things. But also that's normal , your husband's not doing anything that's abnormal, he's doing regular stuff and it's just really irritating you.

Okay? those are your triggers. And so all you need to do write down day of your cycle. Hey, I'm on day 25. This is how I feel. I feel overwhelmed. I feel anxious. Great. That's your homework. If you notice anything else that is specifically feeling like a trigger, you can write that down.

That's it. minute. You are tracking and paying attention. You will typically notice patterns when you start to do that for a couple of months. What that does for you is it allows you to. Make a plan ahead of time that you can start to implement a couple of these little steps that truly make a really big difference.

So become a student of yourself and make a few notes on that in the easiest way possible for you. Also, if you want this process to be faster. Sit down for a minute and really think about when was the last time you felt like this? Can you remember a specific day because you had a friend over, or because this was happening or it was somebody's birthday or like whatever.

Can you remember a specific day? What day of your cycle was that? Do a little investigating into the last month, and that speeds up this process so you have a little bit more of a pattern to go on. And then what we want to do to help yourself with that anger, irritability, anxiety, is number. One, I think I've said number one a lot of times and then never gone to a number two today.

So sorry about that. But you want to create a bubble around yourself. Doesn't that sound nice? Just like a little bubble. Create a bubble around yourself. For the days that you notice that happening. So my example is gonna be day 25 and 26 of my cycle. I can't handle the things as well as I typically would be able to handle them.

So if I know that, if I know that's Wednesday and Thursday this week, then I'm gonna be a little more careful about what I schedule . Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday. I'm not gonna necessarily be like, I'm gonna do a birthday party and all the grocery shopping and I'm gonna clean my house and my kids have three camps and I'm also gonna all of a sudden start fixing my hair and I'm gonna mow the lawn and the laundry's gonna be done and I'm gonna iron this time.

Okay, that list. Is not for luteal phase. It's not for this four days where you are like, okay, two of the days are my hard days. You're gonna create a little bubble around that time. So you're just gonna be like, okay, I'm gonna take quite a few of those things off the list because personally I won't be doing the ironing ever even though I think I will.

And so just don't even set that expectation for yourself. Lower your expectations a little bit. So that creates a little bit of space. And then also just think about how could I make. With the bubble. How could I make this a little bit easier for myself for those couple of days? And hopefully one to two days before, have a little conversation with your husband and say, Hey, I'm sure you haven't noticed, because I handled this really well every single time.

But sometimes I get a little moody, and I've noticed it because I'm so self observant, but I know it hasn't affected anyone else. Your husband's Uhhuh. Yes. And what about that? And then you say, Hey. I've noticed this is the pattern and what it would really help me is if you could do X, Y, Z for these four days so that I could do something that I want.

 Something that I want does not include doom scrolling or any type of social media, any type of. Watching mindless tv, nothing that doesn't actually fill your cup. So your commitment to him is, I am going to fill my cup as full as it can get for those 30 minutes you're giving me, because you're doing the dinner dishes with the kids.

So you're like, okay, here's my little window. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, this week. I would really love it if you did this one thing so I can have 30 minutes by myself. And then you have a little list in your back pocket, literally on your phone. That says, hello. These are things I like to do because you might forget again.

For me, it's taking a bath with a good book. It's taking a walk by myself. It is calling a friend and telling her all the things that are wrong with my life on the same day, every single month. Maybe it's listening to music, maybe it's praying and having some time to pray and journal and worship and get it out.

Okay. So those are my things. Your things may be different. That's totally fine. But if I am honest with myself and I say, instead of saying, Hey, maybe this month I'll just have my all my stuff together and I won't have any moodiness at all because I have now arrived at perfection. Instead of saying that, maybe I just humble myself a little bit and tell my husband, you know how you really were wondering about me in a couple days last month?

How about we make a little deal? Honestly, tell your kids too, be like, Hey, it's really important for a mom to take care of herself because sometimes I get really worn out and I love you so much and I wanna keep being the best mom that I can be. And so that means when I do close the door to go take a bath, I'm not opening it again, even if you cry.

, So this is the last thing that I have is boundaries. If you set a boundary that says to be. Reasonable person for these two days, I need 30 minutes. I need an hour, whatever it is. I need to get out of the house. I need to not get out of the house. You make your plan and then work on whoever needs to help you so you can have it, but then keep it, set that boundary and then keep it, just to be clear, it could be three little things.

It could be I need to take a shower by myself with no one coming in. I need to be outside for 15 minutes during a nap time or right after lunch or whatever, and then I need to go to bed a little bit early. Sometimes you don't even need help for those things, and that's fine too. But whatever those are, and whatever you decide, you need to commit to it and do not break that boundary because lemme tell you, if you say, I really need.

This. If you know that your support system may not actually follow through or be supportive, then don't plan to count on them. Plan to count on doing something that you can do for yourself. Because the worst thing is that you make a plan and you communicate it, and then you break your own boundary and say, nevermind, they really want me to cuddle them for bedtime.

So nevermind. I will. If you do that, you're a great mom also. You're doing it to yourself so you can be a great mom in the bathtub by yourself, just as well as you can be a great mom cuddling those kids. And it's a season, right? Just keep that boundary. Whatever it is that you decide on, keep it because you will feel resentful.

You will feel irritable, and you will feel worse about all of it. If you make a plan and then you don't follow through with it, or someone doesn't help you follow through with it. So just think about like, how can you set yourself up for success, even if it means it's a 10 minute thing each day and that's it, that's okay.

Baby steps. So take a minute. If you haven't while I'm talking about it, to actually write this down. Okay. This is gold. I promise you. This is something that I work on with my clients it changes things when I follow this for myself. And I don't think that I'm invincible, and I don't think that I'm just like Superwoman and I can do all the things and I'll never have another mood swing in my life because I'm a hormone coach when I don't think that about myself and I just say.

Hey, I might actually need to take a break once or twice a month to feel a little better. Then it just all goes better. So be honest with yourself. If this is something that you've dealt with, you can really make a difference in it, and , it truly makes a huge difference. So just think of that little bubble

put a little bubble around yourself that would make things feel a little softer when you bump into the wall. It's not quite as hard when somebody comes up against you and ruffles your feathers. They're like a little protected by this bubble. It really truly makes a huge difference.

Again, this is in the context of this is what you can do in the moment and then. When we're talking about bigger PMS issues and we're talking about it really affecting your life, and we're talking about PMDD or we're talking about multiple days or weeks out of your cycle, and it's not just like this is popping up every once in a while kind of thing.

And it's not just like I'm irritable for a couple hours. This is days, this is weeks. This is really serious. Dark thoughts, not just I really wish that I could just be by myself and have no one ask me for something for a little while. Like big, dark thoughts. Those are a problem.

That is something that we absolutely can work on that you need support to work on. And that is very likely related to a much bigger hormonal imbalance. So just remember, this is the in the moment fix. And then the long-term fix is really knowing how to make and detox your hormones well, which is what I will work with you on in nourish hormones and walk with you side by side so we can make sure your nutrition and your cycle and your mood and your PMS and your periods.

All of those things are on point in the most simple, straightforward way possible so that you don't have to deal with this and you don't have to make all the plans. I know that I'm normalizing it a little bit more with this episode than I typically do because I want to tell you that sometimes it is just life.

Sometimes it really is. But if it keeps happening, if it's a pattern, if it's getting worse, if it's just a lot worse than what I'm talking about, then. That's something that we can work on. And even the lower level, your irritability absolutely can go away when your hormones are balanced. So come and join us in Nourish show hormones.

Doors are remaining open for now, but there are not going to be one-on-one upgrade spots after the end of June. So if you have been thinking about that and you wanna do lab work, you need to book a call with me now. I'm going to be taking a break from. Doing one-on-one calls for a little while because I need a little bit more bubble in my life, to be honest, I am still going to be able to coach within the group.

 I love doing that. And I can't wait to hold your hand and help you fix those hormones. Make sure if you listen to this and you're like, okay, this was helpful, this was real. I needed this, so do your friends. So please send it to one of your friends or three of your friends . It really helps the podcast to stay stable and to grow and to get more women the help that they need, literally for free on this podcast.

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