E268: The #1 Mistake Healthy Moms Make That Keeps Them Stuck in PMS & Burnout

Do you ever feel like you should have your hormones figured out by now, but something still isn’t clicking? As high-functioning women, we fall into this trap all the time. You pay attention to what you're eating, try different routines, and when results don’t come quickly, your instinct is to push harder. You tell yourself to try one more thing or be more disciplined, thinking it will finally work.

But it doesn't. And it won't if you stay in this mindset. 

It's because hormones aren't the problem here. They are only responding to what’s going on in your body and your life. So, if you’re not feeling safe inside and out, you will never be able to fix them. 

You’ll hear:

• The “try harder” pattern that keeps you in burnout and PMS
• Why doing more can make your symptoms worse
• What shifting toward safety can look like in real life

If you’ve been in that loop of trying, burning out, and starting again, you’ll recognize yourself in this. Just notice what stands out, and start there, even if it’s something small.

Breakfast Guide

Nourish Tracker - Discount code: HAPPILYHORMONAL

Book a FREE Hormone Strategy Call with me

Happily Hormonal Quick Start Guide

E259

NEED HELP FIXING YOUR HORMONES? CHECK OUT MY RESOURCES:
Hormone Imbalance Quiz - Find out which of the top 3 hormone imbalances affects you most!
Join Nourish Your Hormones Coaching for the step-by-step and my eyes on YOUR hormones for the next 4 months.

Simply Nourished Cycles Podcast Training

Don’t forget to subscribe, share this episode, and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more women looking for answers.

Disclaimer: Nothing in this podcast is to be taken as medical advice, please take informed accountability and speak to your provider before making changes to your health routine.

This podcast is for women and moms to learn how to balance hormones naturally in motherhood, to have pain-free periods, increased fertility, to decrease PMS mood swings, and to increase energy without restrictive diet plans. You'll learn how to balance blood sugar, increase progesterone naturally, understand the root cause of estrogen dominance, irregular periods, PCOS, insulin resistance, hormonal acne, post birth-control syndrome, and conceive naturally. We use a pro-metabolic, whole food, root cause approach to functional women's health and focus on truly holistic health and mind-body connection.

If you listen to any of the following shows, we're sure you'll like ours too! 
Pursuit of Wellness with Mari Llewellyn, Culture Apothecary with Alex Clark, Found My Fitness with Rhonda Patrick, Just Ingredients Podcast, Wellness Mama, The Dr Josh Axe Show, Are You Menstrual Podcast, The Model Health Show, Grounded Wellness By Primally Pure, Be Well By Kelly Leveque, The Freely Rooted Podcast with Kori Meloy, Simple Farmhouse Life with Lisa Bass

Transcript

[00:00:00] If you're the mom who is doing all the things right and you still feel burned out, you're still having mood swings and your periods are not what you want them to be, this episode is for you. I'm gonna give you a little loving advice to help you move forward. All right, ladies, today we are diving straight in and we are talking about if you are a high functioning mama who knows the things right.

You're eating well, you're exercising, you're taking supplements, and your needle is not moving how you want it to with your hormones. We're gonna dive into what the biggest mistake is that I see all the time that I have made a hundred times in my own life, and we're gonna talk about how to actually change it.

How to change these patterns that you're stuck in, that are continually telling your body things are not safe. Are throwing your hormones off. So that is what we're [00:01:00] going to focus on. And if you listen to the episode I did with Ash McDonald about a month ago, a little more than a month ago probably, and we talked about high functioning burnout, and you're like, that's me.

I got so many people emailing me, messaging me, saying like, that was me. , I feel it. I'm there. You resonated with that, but you're still kind of stuck there and don't really know what to do about it. Then I'm gonna try to give you some really tangibles today on that. If you didn't listen to that, and that sounds like you definitely go back and listen to that after this because it probably will be a helpful pair of an episode for you.

So when you are in this place of high functioning, you're researching everything, you're the crunchy mom that everyone calls. , If you're like me, you're the old ER nurse that everyone calls, when their kids are sick because they're like, is it bad? Is it not bad? What's the herbal thing? But also, do I need antibiotics?

I've gotten a few calls like that in the last few days. You're the one doing the right things, but you're not getting the [00:02:00] results that you want, so you assume you need to try harder. Right? It's like, okay, I'm doing stuff, but it's not working, so I must not be doing enough. That is the lie that is keeping you stuck.

So when you hear that lie, you lean into guilt. I should have finished the last protocol I was doing. I should have finished the last course or gone to a different doctor, or whatever the thing is for you, right? That you didn't quite finish because it wasn't working. You ran out of energy for it, but you assume it's your fault.

So you lean into guilt. You feel like you need to try harder. Probably lean into a pattern of giving up for a little while thinking it'll maybe work itself out and then it doesn't work itself out. And so then you're like, here I am. I'm back here. I've gotta figure things out again. This very well might line up with your cycle too, where in luteal phase you're like, I give up, [00:03:00] or This is definitely when I need to figure it out because it's really rough right now.

And then things are okay for a little while and you're like, I'm gonna be okay. I've seen this over and over again, and I've been here over and over again. So if that all makes sense, I want you to stop for a second and ask yourself, how is it actually serving you that you didn't finish? Whatever the thing is that comes to mind for you, it might be serving you in two different ways.

One is positive, one is negative, to be honest. The first one is if you intuitively just knew , this isn't right for me. I'm just grasping at straws trying to make something happen, and I don't know what it is. So I'm gonna listen to whoever, an influencer, a doctor, or whatever. If you intuitively knew this isn't working for me, it's too much, it's the wrong thing, I'm not gonna finish it, and you didn't finish it, that is working for you.

Right? There's another way it can be working for you, and that way would be you didn't finish, you didn't follow through. So that subconsciously, very [00:04:00] subconsciously, this is probably not an obvious thing, you can stay stuck because in some way being stuck is serving you. Whether it's the identity of not having it together keeps you from over pressuring yourself.

Maybe it's the identity of having PMS mood swings that doesn't. Hold you to as high of an accountability standard as you usually would hold yourself because you're like, well, it's not me, it's my hormones. And sometimes it just feels good to be mad or to be irritable or to have an excuse to just not be your best self for a minute if we're being really honest.

Sometimes it just feels good and bad at the same time, but if there's some sort of pattern that you have been falling into of not following through for yourself because it actually. Allows you to stay in a victim mindset. It is still serving you, but in a negative way. Sitting with that for a second, asking this pattern is serving me.

Is it [00:05:00] serving me in a positive way? Is it serving me in a negative way? And if it's serving you in a negative way and keeping you in that victim mindset, then I would really love for you to sit down and think about why. Why does it feel good to be there sometimes? Do you want to stay there? Do you want to change it?

And what would need to shift for you? That might be a lot to work through on your own. And if it is , there's resources for that. That's something that, you know, we actually do work through in coaching as well. But it's a pretty simple question to ask yourself if you're willing to sit there with it and you're willing to dig into it a little bit.

So that is the start of all of this. The number one mistake that's hidden within that dysregulated system of quote unquote doing all the right things and having that kind of perfectionist mindset. Although doing the right things is a good thing, the mindset that gets us there sometimes may not be, but the number one mistake within all of that is trying [00:06:00] to fix your hormones with more discipline, more supplements, more.

, Restriction or more beating yourself up, like working out harder if you don't enjoy it. Doing more versus regulating. The problem with this really comes down to your responding to the hormone issues by doing more. But your body is actually asking for less. Your body is already overwhelmed.

Your mind is overwhelmed. And. Because it's what you've always done. You assume you need to do more, and so then you add more to your plate cause more dysregulation and it just continues this pattern.

So as an example, I am having six days out of my month where I'm really feeling dysregulated. I feel short, irritable. I feel like I can't keep up with anything super overwhelmed. Just like I can't really be the mom that I want to be. And it doesn't feel optional, it feels like you are really stuck there in your brain, in your body, and [00:07:00] probably having some body symptoms too, like some breast tenderness, some acne, some gut stuff going on, just really not feeling great in that scenario.

So your body is overwhelmed, you're. Struggling to eat consistently. And what you tell yourself is, I just need to do more. I need to find another protocol. I need to work out harder. , I've got this, , stubborn weight gain that I can't get rid of, so I need to eat less. But what your body actually needs is these signals of safety consistently that tell it things are okay over and over and over again.

And when we're stuck in these patterns of. Inconsistency and dysregulation and trying to do more all the time, and assuming you always can because you are high functioning and most of the time you can, to be honest. But that assumption in a body that is already depleted and is not getting what it needs necessarily, even if it's just a little tweak here and there [00:08:00] of it not getting what it needs, it's just continuing these patterns of stress that are keeping you stuck where you are.

Why this really backfires is because hormones are not controlled by our efforts and our perfectionism. They're controlled by safety signals. So your body is asking, am I safe or am I not safe? And if you're feeling completely dysregulated and overwhelmed, you're not feeling safe, right? So your body is getting those signals again and again , in that part of your cycle that things are not safe.

And because of the way you're already feeling dysregulated, it's hard to create those safety signals in that time because you assume you need to do what you've done before, which is more so instead of doing more, because when you're doing more, you're sending stress signals, not safety. So you're doing more exercise or more supplements, and your body is like, I can't handle all of this.

What I need is. [00:09:00] Consistency with nutrition, I'd need less restriction and less ups and downs in it too. Maybe you're eating really well, but you're just not super consistent. So there's some parts of your cycle or some parts of your month day based on kids, based on whatever it is that you're eating really well, and then you skip some meals or you just eat somebody's leftovers for lunch.

When I see food charts from. Almost anyone who really does have it together, who really is doing a good job, there are still gaps that they don't even see. Like they're not eating any protein for lunch or they're not eating any carbs for lunch, or they're consistently skipping the afternoon snack that would stabilize their blood sugar for the day, or they're waking up on paper.

Beautiful plan. Waking up, reading your Bible, having your quiet time. Drinking your coffee. It's so great in the moment, and then everybody gets up and chaos ensues and you're running around like crazy, and then later you eat your [00:10:00] breakfast. Well, when you're starting your day with coffee instead of breakfast, you are causing hormone chaos in and of itself.

So these little shifts, even in that quote unquote perfect plan that feels really good in the moment, can make a huge difference in how you feel throughout the day and throughout the month. So the pattern of feeling off trying harder, feeling worse.

Then either giving up or trying harder again, becomes this loop where you do get burned out and you do have more PMS and more anxiety and more hormone imbalance. And I want you to hear me when I say it is not a problem with your willpower or your self-control. It's dysregulation in your nervous system.

So your hormones, this is a huge misconception that I see all the time. Hormones are responsive. They are not the root cause of anything. Your hormones are always responding to what else is going on in your emotions, in your body, in your life, [00:11:00] and , if your hormones are off, it doesn't mean you have only a hormone problem.

There is dysregulation elsewhere. And so that is why I'm not a fan of birth control. I'm not a fan of dim supplements. Chase tree. , All of these ones that are supposed to just regulate your hormones or even, , HRT supplements, hormone replacement therapy or like progesterone as a whole or as an answer because there is always a reason that your body is not getting the signals of safety.

It needs to make those hormones well. It's made to make the hormones well. When we think hormones are the problem, we're really missing the boat. And that's why you're out there paddling around, you're not on the big ship. You're on this little boat just paddling around, flailing, and you're trying to fix the hormones, and the hormones aren't even the actual problem.

So when your nervous system is dysregulated, you have blood sugar instability, minerals are depleted. They're just adapting to those signals that they're getting. And so your hormones are not broken. Your body is [00:12:00] not broken. You just need regulation versus. Trying harder and overachieving. This is where I come from, a different place than a lot of functional medicine providers who will just, they will do testing that is good and they will give you supplements then I could argue maybe aren't as good, depends on who it is and what they're doing.

But when you're doing testing and supplements, you're again missing the boat and paddling around out there in a little kayak when you don't need to be. , And. You're not getting the big picture of why are the safety signals not there? So this is where I come from, a different approach as a mom who has been many times in high functioning burnout, who understands that life is a lot sometimes, and you want to take beautiful care of yourself, and it's just not always the top priority because there's little people who need you.

There's big people who need you, and there's a lot going on in your big, beautiful life, and you [00:13:00] need things to be simplified. Our framework when we do coaching is we personalize first, whether that means lab testing or not lab testing, but we personalize by looking at your food, how you're actually eating it, when you're eating it.

Over time. So it's not just this perfect little snapshot of like, oh, I always eat, you know, healthy food and I cook at home and it's like, great. Same. And you can still be a hot mess, to be honest. Right? So we make, we personalize, we look at your food, we look at your lifestyle, we look at the supplements you're taking.

We throw out whatever needs to be thrown out, and then we simplify. So we do less, not more. We remove the noise and the overwhelm, and we focus on what actually moves the needle for you. That can look like focusing on making hormones. Well, if that's the issue, can focus on detoxing hormones. Well, if that's the issue, but it's not an across the board.

If your estrogen is a problem, you need dim goodbye to you later because there's always more to the story. And the biggest thing that I want you to [00:14:00] understand is that safety creates balance. So when you're not feeling safe, consistently over and over. If you're not going to have balance, and it doesn't have to be perfect for it to get better, I can tell you this in my own life this month I've shared there's been a lot of stress in my life and , some of it is stress that is out of my control and it's in the Lord's hands and keep bringing it back to him.

And there have been a couple of little shifts that I've made. To see big improvements in my mood, big improvements in even just the kind of like quote unquote perfect of my cycle. Where I'm actually seeing a better temperature rise or I'm seeing more cervical fluid or those type of things that we see as really good signs of fertility when we're looking at tracking throughout the month.

Even if my cycle was, you know, still fine, I wasn't having big symptoms, seeing that some small shifts for safety when I really got serious about them. Made a difference [00:15:00] in my body quickly. That's the kind of thing that I like to work on with you in coaching because it can make a difference quickly and symptoms start to shift when they start to get those signals of safety.

So we're always focused on is blood sugar actually stabilized? Where do you need your minerals replenished, because most of us are burned out physically, mentally, emotionally, all the things. When we start to replenish minerals, stabilize blood sugar, and regulate the nervous system hormones balance naturally and not like, quote unquote, naturally, because you're taking the hormone balance supplements naturally because your body naturally can create hormones well and detox hormones well.

When it's not overwhelmed, when it's not as overwhelmed. Even we're not looking for perfection here. If you're like, yes, yes, this is me. Then I'm gonna give you a little bit of my framework to just check in with yourself. The number one place that I look to start is starting with your mornings. You need to be [00:16:00] getting enough breakfast soon enough in the morning foods that work for your body to tell your brain as soon as possible that things are safe.

And there is a difference between getting that quote unquote, right breakfast. In a calm environment versus a chaotic environment. So if you're able to sit down and eat your breakfast for 10 minutes, even if there's things going on around you versus you're shoving it down while you run around the house, while you get ready, while you drive, there's a difference in the safety,

Even just some really small shifts like that make a really big difference. I do have a breakfast guide that you can grab in the show notes. If you want to check in with like, is my breakfast lined up or is it not? $7? Super easy in for you to make sure that you are stabilizing blood sugar, reducing cortisol spikes truly throughout the day in creating that safety signal earlier in the day.

So that would be a really tangible place for you to start is [00:17:00] start with your morning, start with your breakfast, and I want you to take a minute right now as I'm finishing up this episode. To remind yourself and actually sit and anchor this in. Discipline isn't the issue. Self-control isn't the issue.

You are great at getting things done. You're great at doing the things that are important, but you also know that if something isn't working and it's not worth your time, you're not gonna do it, and that's okay. You don't need another protocol or another restrictive diet or just doing more. You need to work with your body instead of against it.

So if your PMS is affecting one or two weeks of your life, if your periods are knocking you out every month, if you feel like not yourself, , a quarter of the month, half of the month, and you're exhausted and burned out , despite doing everything right, then it's not something to push through, you need to be able to stop.

To reassess, [00:18:00] recalibrate, and move forward in a way that actually feels aligned for you, versus that chaotic grabbing at all the things, trying to make things work. So if you're tired of guessing, you can request an audit with me. This is not a full hormone audit. This is a mini audit. So it takes just a couple minutes of your time, a couple minutes of my time.

You need to do is send me the word audit. You can email me hello@leishadrews.com, and I will do a quick personalized breakdown for you. And I'll just say, Hey, I do think safety is an issue for you. If it is, it looks like it's an issue with making hormones. Well, this is why, and I'll give you some options and if that's something that you wanna do, we can talk about it.

But most of all, I really want you to take a breath and sit with the knowledge that you do not have to do more. Very likely doing more is going to make things worse in most cases with the women that I work with. But you need to pull back and either get an [00:19:00] outside look. I would love to do that with you.

Or maybe, you know, maybe you can sit down and just decode, give yourself a little space to do that in the sunshine if possible. On a walk maybe, maybe just sitting, , decode. What is overwhelming you when it comes to this one place in your life? Okay? Maybe it's too much to think about what's overwhelming you in all the areas, but with your health and with your hormones, what are you doing and what are all the voices telling you?

Like you're not doing enough. Why? How do you know if that's true? and even if it's like, I'm not doing enough. I should be doing X, Y, Z, write down X, Y, and Z. Ask yourself, why do I think those things would actually work? Because someone said so, because I actually think they would work. You can take time to pray through this as well and ask , what am I missing here?

What am I overdoing here? , Take a minute to just sit in more of a regulated space and ask yourself those questions, versus being on social media, listening to podcasts, and just [00:20:00] feeling like, oh, okay. That's another, you know, green flag. , Oh, I think I'll chase that for a little while. But you know that typically you're not able to fully follow through if it doesn't feel aligned.

And so before making a quick decision, actually asking yourself why something hasn't worked before, without guilt, without shame, without it just being like, oh, it must be me. I'm the worst. And then getting. More clear on what your next steps are is really, really helpful. So you need a body that feels safe.

Creating safety creates hormone balance, and it doesn't have to be perfect. It will not be perfect. There's really no perfect, so don't even strive for that. Don't even strive for. Like when the kids are bigger, then I can take care of this. When they're sleeping through the night, then I can whatever. When this, you know, school's in, school's out, I'm better.

All the things right now is the time to do anything because it's the [00:21:00] only time we have, and it doesn't have to be big. It doesn't have to be extra. It can just be the tangible next step that you really know in your body, in your mind, that you need to do like. I'm gonna work really hard on my breakfast for a couple weeks and get it solid so that I can have the brain power to get through the morning or the afternoon.

It really does make that big of a difference. All right, that's all I've got for you today. Love you. Hope it was helpful. I'll see you next week.